About a Grandfather

Since I have become a parent, I have come to believe that the absolute closest love for a child to that of a parent’s, is that of a grandparent’s. I feel my tears could overflow if I think too long on the depth of this love and how I wish it could still overflow tangibly in their little lives from their grandfather. This is a dedication to the love of their grandfather, and my husband’s father, Michael Maes.

Mike told his wife Veronica, he would only really be interested in the children once they reached a certain age, and were able to interact more. But both Maron and Jackson stole his heart immediately. Maron sucked on his little pinky wishing it would give more, and Jackson laid helplessly in his arms as comfortable as could be in newborn slumber.

Mike (and my dear mother-in-law so much too) had a way of showing me the things I was failing to see through my “parent” eyes. As grandparents are not with the children all day or responsible for their consistent discipline and training, they tend to be on the side of just enjoying them, and seeing everything we are, if you will, too tired to see in a day’s time. I will always remember a day we got a surprise visit from Mike.  He told me that he and Veronica had talked about it, and that they wanted to share what they could with us, when they could. So as Mike stopped by that day to give us a gift, he of course anxiously awaited seeing Maron, and she was so excited to see him. I remember being frustrated that day with Maron because of this or that discipline issue, and being worn down with her as I was trying to accomplish tasks around the house and for whatever reason she was making that more difficult. But Mike of course, had nothing but praise for her, and nothing but sweetness in his eyes as he talked about her. Not only will I always remember that visit because it was unexpected, or because he gave to us graciously with charity, but because he opened my eyes to remember what a gift I had in my little girl, and to not forget that just because so many other distractions surround us as parents.  I still remember the blue pajamas she had on and her tiny little frame…

Mike had nothing but praise for Bryan and I as parents, something for which we are so undeserving. I remember poignant phone calls he would make to us, telling us how he didn’t know what we were doing, but whatever it was, our children were so happy and content, and such blessings. I broke down shortly after his death thinking of how he talked about Jackson’s smile. He used to just love Jackson’s toothless grin, and the way his little face lit up when Mike would clap his hands together as a newborn. And the funny thing is, my Jackson is still such a little clapper to this day!  He claps when he hears music, sometimes when you tell him to, and even when he gets mad – ha!

I am so humbled when I think about Mike’s compliments, because I am under absolutely no illusions about my parenting – it is the grace of God. What Mike was able to see is such a blessing, and I hope it is in part the fruit of our labors to raise them in the fear and admonition of the Lord – but oh, even that is nothing but the grace of God.

My mother-in-law is so young to be a widow, and my father-in-law was so young to die. To try to contemplate the he is forever gone from our lives is a difficult thing to do. I will miss the Christmas dinners we had every year on Christmas Eve at La Hacienda in Old Town, the times visiting where Maron would sit with her grandfather and eat more candy than any human being should consume, contentedly in his lap, and where Jackson’s smile would make Mike so happy. I sorrow as well to think he will never know this child growing in my womb, and bring it the joy he has brought my other two children.

My mother-in-law asked us to move in with her and to build a family life together with her, my sister-in-law Brandie who is a single mother, and her son Quentin.  We are here and busy bees as a remodel is being done to the house to make two dormitory-style bedrooms – one for boys, and one for girls.  What can I say – we are Presbyterian at heart – we love nice wine, nice tobacco, and being fruitful and multiplying, the latter part making the dormitory-style bedrooms a must have as we do not know how much more fruitfulness God may grant!

There are many adjustments to be made, and much grieving I am sure left to do by us all.  We have seen God’s mercy in so many ways and have received so much help from so many to make this merger possible.  My sweet husband, Michael’s dear eldest son of three, has shown me more grace and help in this time of transition than ANY wife could ever have expected from a grieving son.  He works so hard, even through his sorrow, to provide for us.  He is gracious, and God is gracious.  I have learned/am learning so much from this situation that I couldn’t possibly summarize it all for you in one post without this turning into another ten pages, but here are a few really special things I have realized and been reminded of:

1.  James 1:27 (New King James Version)

“Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.”

2.  God cares for His children, and gives them good gifts and shows them grace in all their distress.

3.  Neither Bryan nor I have perfect parents, or had perfect upbringings.  Our parents were sinners, flawed, and many times wrong.  But in these times, it is funny the things you remember.  You don’t sit around complaining about all of that, or keeping a record of wrongs; you remember all of the good they did in your life, and how many times they sacrificed and went without so you could have more or have your needs met, and how many funny things they said and did that will always make you smile.  I didn’t have the twenty-four years with Mike that Bryan did, but nonetheless, my mind and heart are full of memories of all the gifts he gave to our family, how many times he helped us when we felt helpless, how he fought for Bryan as a father does for a son, and how many laughs we had along the way, despite so many difficulties.  Cliche or not, I have been struck so much lately by the song “Big Yellow Taxi”.  It is true, you don’t know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone, love the ones you have while they are here.  No matter how hard it is, whether it be a relationship, a job, a situation; if it were gone tomorrow, how would you feel?

4.  Philippians 2:3 (New King James Version)

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”

5.  God is near to the broken-hearted, be gentle, patient, and full of grace towards those who are, as God Himself would be.

6.  Take one day at a time.  One hour…  One moment…

7.  When you are tired, rest.  You will see things more clearly this way.

8.  Strive to see the little graces in life every day.

9.  I Timothy 6:6 (New King James Version)

“Now godliness with contentment is great gain. 7 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain^[c] we can carry nothing out. 8 And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. 9 But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition. 10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.”

10.  The song “100 Years” by Five for Fighting says it best.

Thank you Lord for Mike’s example to Bryan in so many ways, making him the husband and father he is today, and thank you Dear Lord for giving Mike to us, for the short while he was ours…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ULBA8pvnnE

~Rachel Maes; Wife to Bryan Michael Maes; Daughter-in-Law to Michael Maes, gone to be with our Lord July 3, 2008.