Ages and Stages

Dear Mothers Everywhere:  Hang in there.  You are not forgotten.

With Mother’s Day tomorrow, my finally putting my thoughts for this post into an actual post happened at just the right time!  I would like to start out by addressing humans everywhere:  We are all in different stages in our lives (hence ages and stages!), and I have no doubt, some of you are going through things I cannot even begin to imagine; and probably through some things I can imagine, and would never want to endure.  I do not want this post to appear as though motherhood is this terrible plight one must drudge through day by day with no rest, or sanity, and that it is the “worst” of things one can experience.  Nothing could be farther from the truth!  However, as we are all in different stages, this is the stage I am in.  To borrow from some beautiful words I read on a friend’s Blog, I am in the “dog days of motherhood.  one foot in front of the other”.  As this post will more than likely apply to and by God’s grace encourage people with very young children, I imagine any of you can relate to this in one way or another.  If you as a mother are not going through this stage now, you can remember and reflect, learning to cherish whatever stage you are in at the moment, letting go of past failures and regrets, and teaching other of us moms around you how to persevere through this stage!

And so, let us begin.  What exactly is this stage I am speaking of?  Well, to borrow a few quick scenarios from my own life, it is the:  baby is crying and needs to nurse, while screaming toddler in need of discipline throws himself on the floor, while the food on the stove desperately needs attention, you can’t remember the last time you were able to use the restroom, you really need to eat yourself, please tell me the toddler did not just do that with that thing he is not supposed to touch, I haven’t read a book for more than 5 minutes unless everyone was asleep, I’m finally laying down to snooze and the baby decides to wake up from her nap, the toddler just spilled the water everywhere I’m so glad it didn’t land on the computer, I was just thinking how excited I was to rest for a few minutes and now poop is all over the floor, brother and sister are chasing each other around the house in a fit of jealousy/not sharing the toy/hitting and I still need to use the restroom – stage.  Mothers, you know what I’m talking about!

Let’s just imagine, all we had to do was meet their basic needs, right?  Feed them, clothe them, change them, put lotion on their dry parts, bathe them, put on the band aids and make sure they get some sleep.  Well, if your house is anything like mine that alone could take a HUGE amount of time in your day!  Even with an absolutely amazing four-year-old who is more helpful than some 30-year-olds + that I have met, who can do so much for herself, there is still a ton she cannot do.  She cannot cook for herself, do the dishes, clean and fold the laundry, etc. etc.  So, combine that with the almost-two year old, and the six month old, it = a hard stage!  And so, as we’ve seen, just basic needs are an all-day chore if you let it be, depending on your level of “clean” or “organized”.  And yet, as we can see so beautifully in so many different areas of Scripture, as humans to other humans, our lives are to be full of nurturing, esteeming others more highly than ourselves, praying with and for each other, weeping or rejoicing with each other, bearing each other’s burdens…these children will learn of life and love from US.  Our needs to clothe and feed them are only where it begins…we must show them life with a thankful heart…teach them to rejoice in all that God has made, and not to just plow on through the work never noticing each other.  Their so very fragile, so very tender, innocent little hearts, need to hear of Jesus, and see Jesus, in real kindness, affection, tenderness…in books being read, and seeing the outdoors, in learning chores together, in a fun way, where everyone is involved and they are not left alone always to feel they are a burden, getting in the way of what “really matters” to us, which is oftentimes what shouldn’t matter.  A mother’s love and touch, as we are the primary example they get in a day of what it means to care for someone, cannot be easily overlooked.  God has not called us simply to be neat (and my house rarely is!) but to nurture, in so many areas.  Physically, emotionally, spiritually…our children need to be met by us with the same eagerness and willingness our Lord had…not sent away because we are too busy with other things.

Now of course I am not saying children should not learn to entertain themselves, or that work in the house or yard is not a  necessity.  What I am saying though, is that with very small children, our expectations needs to be much lower, and our patience probably the highest it will ever be!  To borrow another wonderful quote I read on a friend’s Blog, “Never again will our children want us so much”.  The eyes and hearts that look up at us from these young, impressionable faces as they are learning what love means, will soon reach the teenage years, when they will “know everything” and “not need us” anymore. Let’s stop and enjoy it while we can.

I would love to do many things, selfishly speaking here.  I would love to go out every night with my Husband, or at least 3 times a week, and read a book anytime I feel like it, for as often as I want to, sleep in as late as I want, and watch any movie I want without a single interruption, and have a SPOTLESS house.  But at this stage in life (and really, I think there is rarely a stage in life that cush!  maybe after retirement!) and with our children so young, we are in one of the most selfless opportunities life has to offer.  When we feel ourselves thinking, “It seems like my life is just not about me anymore, and there is no time for myself”, frankly, we are right.  At this time, the “me” time is the most to the back burner, and the “them” time, is boiling away on the front!  Overflowing, in fact!  I remember Christ, who came to serve, and not to be served, though He was Lord of all.  To love our children, means serving them, which means sacrificing for them.  But if you feel like you are drowning, stop and ask yourself a few questions, they may not seem like they are at first, but they may end up being quite encouraging.  How many children do I have?  How old are they?  How much can they do for themselves?  Do I have a child that is nursing, and needing physical sustenance from me?  If you can answer more than one to the first question (not to make it seem like having one child is not TOTALLY hard work moms, but it is a different stage all its own which we all go through), and all of the children in the house are under 8 or so, and you are nursing, I can promise you, these ages and stages are what cause you the most “frustration”, or feeling like you are drowning…in actuality, you probably are!  But thankfully, “The waves and winds still know, His voice who ruled them, while He dwelt below”. When I used to be a receptionist, I had many responsibilities.  At the end of the day, a lot of times I would look at my list of things I had to do, and would barely have accomplished anything!  This would perplex me greatly as I didn’t think I was “wasting” that much time.  It was then that I discovered the register for my phone messages.  I had no idea how much time answering the phones was taking from my day, because it was just part of the job and habit!  Until I actually had a log to look at, it didn’t become evident to me how much effort was being put into just answering the phones.  Well, this is how parenthood is so often.  You feel like you’ve spent all day working, yet it sort of seems you have nothing to show for it (i.e. – the house is still dirty, laundry didn’t get done, etc.), but if someone was keeping a log, they might see endless kisses, hugs, diapers being changed, books being read, potty training taking place, meals being made, and on and on the log would go.  Know you are not lost in this race to win the prize – Godly offspring.  We must cast our cares on Him, as He cares for us.  We must meditate on His Word to remember and call out for His great and powerful promises.  We must go to Him who is rest for the weary, and ask for renewed strength in our calling, hope for its stormy days, and rest when He calms the storm.  If you are like me, your expectations are off the charts.  Set the bar lower.  Look at what you have to do…training, nurturing, loving, playing with, feeding, rejoicing in, smiling at, kissing, hugging reading to, and yes, even cleaning up after with your spare time – your precious children.  When you reflect on the “ages and stages” your children are on this Mother’s Day, and always, and it seems like you just can’t take another breath, remember these things:  He knows we are but dust and gives us grace in measure…and, never forget, the awesome, awe-inspiring, beautiful, blessed, heart-warming privilege of being able to be called that one special word…MOM.

Happy Mother’s Day, no matter what stage you are in, because if you are a mom, it is a selfless one.  God’s blessings to you and yours!

~R